I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
