My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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