Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
