This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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