bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
