I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
