she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
