hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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