Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
