just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
