You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
