She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
