Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
