Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
