you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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