I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
