The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
