I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
