you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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