my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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