I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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