I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
