im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
