he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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