she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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