My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
