Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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