No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
