know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
