If that was your dad, he is hot
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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