i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's never too late to be topless.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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