Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
