You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm always down for nudity.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
