Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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