She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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