As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
