That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
