Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
