How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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