i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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