I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
