They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
