Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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