normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
