We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
