Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
