So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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