and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
