what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Banned from zoo.
Again?
even my farts smell like vagina
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
