Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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