508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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