11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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