just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
