i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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